whole new level

well, things does happened
and to be honest
this passed week are damn crazy for me
i never expect my dissertation's proposal are going so well
and i go out with somebody i completely don't know for a movie
and i went for the counselling, spilled my hidden troubles to someone neutral for the 1st time as well

after these instances
i realized that typing out the troubles just helped a little
just a little, unless the post are made anonymously
but the thing is, this is hard to be achieved
talk to someone neutral, which mean he/she don't know the people involved in your problem
and the someone neutral must be have more life experiences than you
that way, he/she can understand your problems easily
anyway, she really helped me a lot
besides, she said that i looked like being in the most depressed state that she ever met

but, i did made a promise to myself
the promise of i will not drop a single tear anymore
not even 0.001ml
but, after that, something happened
and i not even want to tell what is it
until i think it is time for me to tell
so don't ever ask

and after "that" happened
people from work said that i looked very happy
very, very happy
well, that can't be help
since that suddenly i felt like i got more motivation to go on
compare to before of course

anyway, this 100th post make the change of my life!!!

Sick of it....

well, i am kinda getting numb toward the empty promises

and kinda understand how's my parents' feelings

especially when i encounter almost the same situations

to be honest

i don't think i can't be serious during works, academics and games

i think i posted this before

but today's shift make me felt like i am post this again

perhaps there might be more of these kind of feelings in the future

but the main thing is, i am getting bored at works

it is not that i got bored from the responsibilities i hold during works

but it is the people there...

what do you felt, when you just want to confirm something

but get a cold-shoulder in return...

not a proper wording here

just that person's respond in annoyed manner

well, this is very frustrating situations

in restaurant, especially the one i am working in

once there is a mistake, there are at least 2 people will starting to shout at me

saying something like "WTF R U DOING?!"

"WHAT HAD YOU DONE?!"  etc

did you see the dilemma here?

a mistake get some scolding in return

a confirmation question earn a cold-shoulder response

what will you do?

seriously, i had a lighten mood to start working

then what i got is a blow to my mood

from the top of the cliff to the bottom of ravine

and this happened on the very first hour i am started working

this is point no. 1

Point no. 2

empty promises

due to the fact that i worked for such a long time in that place

i can be a full-fledged full-timer at anytime

but i patronizing my study first

so full timer on term date is out of story

but that's not the point

main thing is i need to complete many tasks when my shift is almost over

for instances, clean the coffee machine, counters, cutlery, plates and menu cards

there is a girl from Poland who hold the responsibilities of the cleaning the cutlery and plates

so, as long as she didn't absent or finish her shift early

my jobs are kinda easy

gonna side tracked

well, there is another full-timer

she "asked" me nicely to clean the counter and the coffee machine

in exchange of she helping me to serve the foods to the customers

which is my main jobs there

in the end, she is always nowhere to be seen when the bell rang

for the notification of the foods are ready of course

which mean that my cleaning jobs are always interrupted

which, really pissed my off

as i just realized that my style of working is keep the flows go on

which mean i am happier to complete the tasks without interruptions

well, that's point 2

point 3, i'll make it short

there is a new full-timer

and according from the info i heard

he is kinda "big", which mean he have some authorities

but he just take it way too easy

it is not that he is not helping

but he keep annoy me by keep saying

"why so serious"

which kept remind me of the Joker

gah, just annoyed

and frankly speaking

there is no one i can talk to

Parents? Out of questions, as they had their things to worry about

my best pal? Hardly to see him online

college gang? they had their FYP to worry about

housemate? well, there is nothing they can do, and i doubt they understand my feelings as they didn't went through as many hardship as i do

and i don't think i'll get any responses from FB as well

not even a like or comment.....

*sigh* <=== favorite word now

just use it and let the things be............

new term, new life?

well, the summer flew by
the long summer had gone
the weather doesn't as hot as I anticipated
well, watch too much japanese animation
where throughout the whole series
there's gonna be an episode of extremely hot/cold weather
which gave me am impression that the summer is horrible

but in the end
the summer passes without really hot temperature
well, there are few days that really hot
it is not the same "hot" in m'sia
but it is windless hot
which make the room are hotter then usual with stagnant air
not to mentioned when working in the restaurant

speaking of which
if it isn't my colleague mentioned about how she getting more hot-headed during work
i wouldn't be able to realized that i had the same problem too
especially when there are no enough people to work, and the tables are fully booked
and the stupid hag still unable to judge the situation and adjust her speed accordingly
despite her working experience is more then few years
the manager did really helped
by command that stupid hag to slow down, otherwise, it is gonna be a disaster
let alone to provide the so-called "service"

practically, i worked 6 days straight down during the fresher week
which make me felt lot more tired then usual
.........
well, the recent are nothing but only complaints
the new term time table make me feel like this year gonna be an interesting year
still, when i try to calm down after the high stress works in the restaurant
i recalled, some really nostalgic memories
not some, lot of them
which make me recalled some of the conversation with my fellow college friends

the main point is
"the group is splitting, even they living under the same roof"
i think i mentioned this before
but the feeling, not quite sure how to describe it
kinda like a mixture of anger, nostalgic, sad, wasted
and more.....
and i felt it is kinda unfair
the adv. diploma have 4 groups, instead of 5 in diploma year
so, in order to do to that
the people who in charge in changing the name list split my group into 2
evenly half of my group members merge into others
i knew that my group isn't the only which got separated
but the other groups are only had only few of the members separated
ranging from 3 to 5
but my group are separated into two equal halves

i could do nothing about that
since that i am not staying for adv diploma
still, i felt so unfair
i would prefer all the name lists are decided by picking the member randomly
rather then splitting the groups
since that his is much more equal to everyone......

well, as for the first day of term
i had a hard time to concentrate after the 3rd hours of lecture
and had a not-so-stress-relieving gym session
the tiredness kicked in real quick after some soft music played
all i just hope, is to have all my group members stay connected
even only remained in the FB friendlists will do....
and of course, the group i created...........