Its been a really long time!

<p>Just realised that it is a long time ago since I update this blog, well there's a lot of things are on my mind during weekend where I should post something here, and I just want to go to bed asap and hope there is a good night sleep. But in fact, no, I don't really have a good night sleep at all. It is kinda like a wheel of fortune, where you can have a good week and then some bad week where everything gone wrong. </p>
<p>Well, it really good because whatever you are doing, the outcome is what you expected or better, you feel like you are having a roll. But then, when the first thing goes wrong, the bad luck followed. Which I really have that when it happened. This of course, will affect the mood of the week, hence your performance during works. I mean the proper work that paid, not assignments.</p>
<p>And at the time like this, you wish there are someone you can talk to, and doesn't hope that they will give you some sarcastic comments about your wrongs. Well, it happened to me, when I talk to that particular people, I just want to heard some comforting things, rather than some harsh comments about "why you not putting more efforts?" type of comments.

This is where it hurt most, because I already learnt that don't get much hope, so there will be less disappointments when it come, but I never expecting that that people only give me some sarcastic comments and cold shoulder. And what make me more frustrated is, when that people get upset, all that people do is just keep complaining, and keep mourning about how much hope that the one close to that people is there. I mean come on, all you done is just complaining to me, and I take it because that's what I do for a friend, but when I get upset you just give me a tons of shits about how am I not doing my works properly.

I didn't talk to others, because I can already know what they gonna say, and then, I can even feel that attitudes of "not my business". Well, I guess this is what I get for playing all manly and don't-give-it-a-crap way of doing thing. And I admit that I have a very girlish side, where I said I don't care but in fact, for god sake, I do. But too much of this kind of things happened make me explode, then all of my emotions come out.

Well, I can't even find any enjoyment when I working, which I used to be. And I can tell you for sure that I am so overwhelmed during work. Think about you have to do everything that normally split to three people works, so just imagine the workload I have, plus I still have to do all my assignments and dissertation works. And once again, when I complain this to that people, all she (yes, a she) said is "this is part time la", another cold respond.

This makes me think that why I even bother when she got her own problems and I helped her?! Meaningless efforts for making a friend here. So I guess I just gonna do what I usually do, suck it up, and wonder when I gonna be go all furious and yelling and destroy everything.